unlikelyherald: (yeah no.)
Inquisitor Adella Trevelyan ([personal profile] unlikelyherald) wrote in [community profile] primavista2015-10-14 08:03 pm
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for [personal profile] revocation


She wakes up often in the middle of the night, now. Sometimes it's phantom pain from the arm she no longer has, other times it's nightmares. Promises of things that Solas wanted to come to pass. Tonight it was a delightful mix of both.

Trying to slip out of the room without waking Cullen can be a challenge, but if she can make it out of bed before he wakes up she just hopes if he notices her gone he just assumes she's run to the water closet. Where she actually goes is outside, down into the training yard, which is entirely abandoned at night. Magic is taught much of the time as a two-handed endeavor. While she can call and fold the Fade around her at will as easily as ever, the motions are a different thing entirely. Wielding a staff is now an awkward thing, because while she does hold it at rest in her right hand, most movements require use of her left hand.

It's already a cool night as most of the nights at Skyhold are, but it's made all the cooler by Adella throwing frozen blasts at the training dummies, attempting to direct them more with her mind than with the motion of her absent left hand.

Anyone looking for her will likely be easily guided of course, by the frustrated cursing as each blast doesn't even come close to its mark.
revocation: (098)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-15 01:55 am (UTC)(link)
Cullen has always been a light sleeper, so while she may have managed to get out of bed without waking him, it doesn't take too long for the lack of her warmth next to him to rouse him - and, yes, his first thought is worry. Such worry, even now, with the world mostly at peace. Adella is still troubled, he knows her well enough to know that, and certainly missing her arm is a big change they all have to get used to.

So he slides out of bed, pulling on trousers, shirt and boots, and goes in search of his wife. Even in Skyhold, it's not difficult to find her - she's making enough noise in the training yard to draw him near, and he leans against a fence post to watch her for a few moments.

"No one expects you to be completely adjusted to it overnight," he points out after a while.
revocation: (097)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-15 02:31 am (UTC)(link)
"And you're already better than you were when you started," Cullen points out logically, wanting to reach for her, hold her, but knowing sometimes that's not what she wants. Especially lately.

It worries him that she's taking this loss as a personal failing.

"What happened, happened," he points out. "You can't change the past, and what matters is that you're here, now, alive."
revocation: (094)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-15 04:00 am (UTC)(link)
"What." Her words are like a slap to his face, and Cullen nearly reels backwards at them. "Adella... You can't honestly think that." Has her life been so utterly destroyed that she thinks she'd be better off dead? He steps toward her, reaching out, wanting to hold her and make it better.

He knows he can't, though. He can't give her her arm back. No one can.

"You can't possibly think that," he murmurs again, drawing her into his arms.
revocation: (100)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-15 04:58 am (UTC)(link)
Maker, his heart aches at her words. Does she really think she no longer has any value? To him?

"You are capable," he murmurs, frowning deeply and pulling back a little to look at her. "And I'm not trapped. I have exactly the life I want. With you. Losing your arm hasn't changed that. You're still you - the woman I love, and my wife. We'll adapt, and adjust. And we'll find others to fight Solas, if we need to."
revocation: (097)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-15 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
"Adella." Gently, he cups her face in his hand so he can look at her properly. "I'm not sure I know what a wife is supposed to behave like, but I think you're doing fine, all things considered."

He'd been hoping they might be able to rest, take a break, maybe visit his family. But she has a lot to deal with, still. He can wait a little longer.
revocation: (097)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-15 06:28 am (UTC)(link)
"Who says we can't still have a honeymoon?" Cullen asks, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips. "When you're ready. It's a big adjustment. I'll wait as long as you need me to."

He knows she needs time to work things out. She's his wife, for pity's sake, what kind of husband would he be if he wasn't there to help support her?

"Maker knows you've been endlessly patient with me," he adds.
revocation: (094)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-16 02:49 am (UTC)(link)
Cullen sighs, and shakes his head briefly. "You've always been yourself, love. You've just been having a tough time of things, lately. It's perfectly understandable, but you haven't changed, and you're not repulsive."
revocation: (090)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-16 05:25 am (UTC)(link)
Cullen wraps his arms around her middle, turning his head to kiss her temple. "What do you expect me to say? Of course no one is perfect, but you know I love your body. Your missing arm doesn't change that. I still want you. It'll take time, to figure out what you can and can't do now, and I'll be with you every step of the way."
revocation: (096)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-16 06:03 am (UTC)(link)
"You will," Cullen says. "I'm just sorry I can't be more help. You know I'll do anything I can for you."
revocation: (092)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-16 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
"You're not," he assures her. "You're my wife. We're partners - in everything. We help each other. Just like you help me, when I have a bad day. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere."
revocation: (097)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-17 12:17 am (UTC)(link)
He kisses her cheek gently. "I get the impression you think you've changed more than you actually have. Aside from your arm, what's different? You still have all the other things you had before. What do you want to do?"
revocation: (094)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-17 01:51 am (UTC)(link)
He nods. "You don't have to be ashamed of it, not with me. I'm sure I'll make mistakes now and again, too. We'll make some changes, and eventually, it'll be just as normal as it was before."

He leans in for that kiss. "I'd give it back to you, if I could," he murmurs. "I'd've done just about anything to spare you this. But there wasn't anything I could do."
revocation: (088)

[personal profile] revocation 2015-10-17 03:41 am (UTC)(link)
Cullen understands - she needs time to adjust. He would never push her into something she's not ready for. She's been through a lot.

But her kisses make him ache for her. They didn't even get a proper wedding night, and it hasn't been much better since. He wasn't kidding when he said he still wants her. As much as ever. As far as his body is concerned, it could care less about her missing arm.

"You haven't," he assures her. "You've been taking it out on the poor training dummies." His lips twitch into a smile. "Now, more than ever, I think it's time I get to worry about you, rather than the other way 'round, hm?"

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